oftheuniverse: (Words ♥ Universe closed use rainbow)
2012-12-28 09:20 am

(no subject)

I'm not going to pretend that I don't get frustrated and have days where even getting out of bed seems an offense to everything I hold dear, but most of the time - despite how hectic everything is - I really love my job(s). Not the diplomacy of it or the standing-around-waiting-for-clients bit, but the actual massaging and connecting with people and gradually feeling more comfortable both in my own skin and when interacting with others. It's amazing realizing how much I've grown and I really hope that someday I can get everything splurted out my brain all at once, in one location, to share with other people.

The human body and its connection to the mind is amazing and I am so thankful for those great, interactive clients I get on occasion who really let me explore that link.

The most recent noteworthy event at work was with an elderly client of mine that I've had for...probably three months or so? He comes in every other week and he's very friendly. I need to speak loudly and in small snippets or else he gets confused/can't process things very well, but he's really very coherent. He'll suddenly spout out a question or two about what I'm doing and the human body, and I love clients who want to be involved in the process instead of just a passive audience to me working on them. :)

About a month ago he remarked to me that he's struggled with keeping his weight down for years, and that he "can look at food and gain weight", but since beginning to get massages he's finally not only kept his weight even but lost several pounds. He seemed to think it was silly, but he thought there might be a connection, and that is just...so interesting. I mean, it's one thing to read in a textbook (about massage therapy) that its effects including stress-reduction means that in theory it could help with things worsened by stress - such as weight, but it's another to see that in action.

It's not something the AMA is going to publish anytime soon, but I'd say it's pretty clear that for some open-minded people "alternative" medicine choices like massage is very obviously a benefit to their health.
oftheuniverse: (Beatles ♥ Geo purple)
2012-12-10 11:14 am

(no subject)

I feel like I keep going through crisis periods where everything feels like it's falling apart, and nihilistic ideas ring through me as if they're the only truth. I've never really felt so desperately dark before now, when I'm in one of those moods - but I've been getting through them, lately, because I'm finally really internalizing and believing what I'd been just telling myself for years. Life has to balanced between good and bad things, and what that really means is that if I want to be able to FEEL at all, I have to have some terrible times and difficult mornings and car-crying sessions to be able to feel elation and simple pleasures like cups of coffee and late nights with friends and breakthroughs with clients. Sometimes I wonder if other people have such violently ill periods of thought, sort of a vomiting session of the mind so that you can go about the rest of your next few days uninterrupted and much soothed, but then I figure it's best to focus on what works for me instead. (Although I do still wonder!)

I've also been finding lately that my decision - because that's what it WAS, about four years ago when I heard someone critique "open-minded" people of being exactly the opposite - to be truly more open-minded has...really been working. I don't get upset when hearing most conflicting views (when told in a normal format) and even when someone is angry. After reading parts of a book (for myself) on anger management and several on childhood development I feel like I can...understand, at least in basic concepts, why people like say my mother are so unaccountably rude and volatile at random times, and I try to keep my cool in return. Why let their negativity wash through me as well, when it's themselves that are the problem - not me?

Ever since embracing religion and learning more about it - all different kinds of religions, not just Christianity - I've felt a lot calmer about other different beliefs to my own. I used to be a defensive and aggressive atheist, mostly because of my parents being that way and some religious people taking a strange offense to me just...stating that I wasn't Christian. I felt alienated for something that hadn't even been a conscious decision on my part, just the way I'd been raised, and I was understandably upset over it. But now it's just another facet of learning about how humans function, how we used to explain the unexplainable and how we still reach into that rich pocket of ancient not-quite-understanding to help ourselves.

I had a lot I wanted to discuss and I feel like I'm just barely scraping the surface of everything, it's been so long since I wrote about myself at length on the computer, and not just scribbling down in notebooks some of my feelings so I could better cope with them. xD

In conclusion: I had a terrible past two weeks interspersed sparingly with some phenomenally good times, and my morning at work just absolutely saved my mood. I love that I can love my job.
oftheuniverse: (Boffle ♥ My word Jane!)
2012-09-27 07:28 am

Thoughts on enforcing bad habits of never doing irl things in online communities

Woah, freedom.

I just quit the DW-hosted roleplaying game I've mentioned before - you know, before my other huge hiatus from posting as myself anywhere that didn't have a Twitter-esque character limit. (For all my love of plurk's handiness for communicating to the masses, I've been slowly beginning to miss talking at length.)

I have to say, my drive for writing has been dying lately, mostly due to the time constraints and oddly enough, quotas placed on people in most DW-based games. (You're required to make a certain number of posts a month, which simply is doubled/tripled/as you add more characters, rather than encouraging a small player base with a variety of characters to prevent boredom for the writers/realism since not every type of character would be involved in every type of plot.) I assume it comes from the average roleplayer being someone with, well, a lot of free time to spend online. But when you're in a committed relationship and have some nice real life friends, or even just want to read real books and not fic some days, it suddenly becomes exponentially harder to keep up with 10+ (even 20+) threads/individual storylines at once. A hobby should be something that's done as just that, something you enjoy in your free time, not something you need to MAKE time for or go out of your way to accomodate in your schedule. I found myself apologising for my absence more and more and even taking a hiatus didn't work, so.

Did I mention I became a 'maintenance mod' there? Although I had all the responsibilities of the main mods (reviewing apps, adding tags in comms, editing entries, etc) I didn't have as much...sway in things? And I was afraid of stepping on toes, plus I didn't want to make it my game because I already had a brain baby of an idea with Kat that I'd rather spend my time cultivating.

Kat was someone I had to sort of wheedle into joining, and she's been miserable since before she even did so, and her finally admitting she'd like to quit was what let me realise it would be okay if I did - since I didn't want to leave her high and dry if she wasn't prepared to leave, especially as I was one of the few muns who interacted with her character as if he wasn't the Plague. So we both quit yesterday amid one mod seeming...upset, one being placated quickly enough, and the other (now ex) mod not appearing to have an opinion. u_u

I'll miss the relationships and storylines I had built there, but I can always continue that with them on our own time in memes/other places if they enjoyed them also. Really I just can't handle the structure of roleplays here - they seem specifically designed to encourage people into bad computer habits. It teaches everyone that you NEED to post a certain amount of times and makes it into a job, something that a casual roleplayer would be turned off by - Kat and I actually had a friend refuse to app because of how the comm is run. On the plus side, I finally found a truly laid back community that doesn't lie to the players, is friendly and has no 'timeline' of a day-to-day ratio between in- and out of-game , I just don't...understand the need for timing things. So yeah. :'D

In other news, work is going fantastically, although it needs to go even better before I can move out! That or Kat and I need a third roommate to rent with, aha. But it's going very well and I'm basically the 'lead' massage therapist at this point - I work four days a week while no one else works more than one, and I'm guaranteed a certain amount of hours' worth of pay regardless of the hours I work. (Which I am slowly climbing above! We're slowly growing the client base and it's a great feeling to see my work paying off. ;-; <3 It's lovely doing something I'm passionate about and confident in as a job.)
oftheuniverse: (Boffle ♥ My word Jane!)
2012-01-10 05:49 pm

RP and an update

[personal profile] badkarma's and my baby, a panfandom/OC/RPF/anypossiblecharacter roleplay has finally opened. I cleaned it up, made a banner and a mod icon, and finished up the absolutely-necessary posts, though I'm still anticipating realising more things I should include to make it as accessible as possible.

So, if any of the people reading my journal are interested in roleplays, or have friends who are, [community profile] sanctuaryofchange_rp is a DW-based roleplay that just opened up. :) (Currently five characters, soon there will be six, and we're anticipating a slow growth from there.)

Anyway! I did my first massage for money this past Saturday, and even got a tip; which I don't think I truly earned but it made me feel good nonetheless. :3 I figured out a lot of weird things that I have to fix that I hadn't thought of yet (such as having a back-up system for music in case my computer freezes and I can't use iTunes, which is what happened; the silence can be a little awkward, plus the music covers over any ambient noise from the house/squeaky floorboards). I also need to figure out how to keep my cat quiet (poor thing) and I need to invest in an adjustable, wheeled stool, for helping with the supine neck/shoulders. But I've already decided to try to only spend money on massage that I earn on massage, and plan on ferreting away money from my jobs at home and at the spa downtown for using on renewing my license and insurance, and on continuing education classes. Then I'll alllow myself to start using the money as actual income. (I've got quite the financial hole to dig myself out of, considering how much being an LMT costs and how little I've made since getting my license for the first year. It's alright though, I just needed to mature, I think, before getting a job as an MT.)

I've got two more tomorrow, in my first time working for the spa, so I'm nervous about being in a new area and working around someone else's rules - but otherwise I'm pretty confident. I've done literally hundreds of massages on people I hardly/didn't at all know while in school, so I don't foresee any issues from that. ♥ And on Saturday? Two more. (That translates into $104, I believe, from about five hours of work, which I'm definitely okay with.)

As for things that aren't work-related, I feel a lot...happier about my life recently, actually. I had a fairly important event last Wednesday that I may or may not write about in the future that's helped me in my quest to change the way I view things, and it's been wonderful. :) I haven't made as much progress as I'd thought I would with learning Norwegian, but I'm alright with that because instead, I've been cleaning up my living area and practicing keeping calm (whether I'm faced with anger or anxiety) and I'm honestly pretty proud of my growth so far this year. I'm really hoping to keep it up, and to help myself I may set some solid resolutions for the next month; and do the same every new month, as I think goals are something you need to re-evaluate a lot more than just once a year.